A couple-friend of ours is engaged and currently doing pre-marital counseling. They were told to interview three couples (in different stages of marriage) with three questions.
And guess who was a lucky winner?! Tap and I!
We had a lot of fun mulling over these questions, and discussing them with our friends so I thought I’d share them with you.
- What is the BEST thing about marriage?
- What is the most CHALLENGING part of marriage?
- What is your #1 best piece of ADVICE?
Tap and I have been married for 4 years on the 10th of December, and we are still learning just as much as the next couple…. But here are the few insights we were able to give.
What is the BEST thing about marriage : Friendship
Tappy and I probably could have said this in unison… we BOTH feel that this is just truly great.
We love that our team-mate, friend, and lover is always there. We don’t ever have to be alone, we have each other for all the hurdles and celebrations of life.
From this day forward, for better or worse, you always have someone there to go through it with you.
What is the most CHALLENGING part of marriage : Fighting Fair, Balance, & More
To be honest this question came with more than one answer… In the four short years we’ve had together we’ve seen different challenges… and I am positive it’s only a glimpse of the challenges yet to come. But for each year of our life, I thought there was a challenge worth mentioning.
Year 1: Comparison
In year one, we compared our reality of marriage to our imagination of marriage. We had to learn what the difference was between our ideals and what was. But comparison went further for me… it was comparing myself to other women and specifically Tap’s ex’s. I had to learn confidence and grace for myself, and trust in how God made me, and trust what Tap said when he complimented me.
Year 2: Learning to Fight Fair
This is really more of an every-year thing… We still pull the gloves off every now and then and fight dirty, but the earlier you can drop the bad habits the better!
Tap and I have learned that we cannot go to bed angry, otherwise we can’t sleep. However, this doesn’t work for everyone. It’s usually best to give yourself a “time-out” to clear your head, minimize the emotion, and get back down to business.
Another great thing for us is to remind ourselves we are a team… whatever we are fighting about, it should be us fighting together to tackle the issue. Try not to forget you are a team.
Year 3: Balancing Life
We don’t have kids yet, but we still had to learn to balance our lives: house chores, work, church, friends, alone time, and date time. It only gets harder when more things add to this list!
Because Tap works in ministry, there was an added dynamic to this. It is wise to prioritize your life in this way: God, Wife, Kids, Work. But if Tap works for God (in ministry) then this list gets a little blurry. We had to define what items on his Job Description were “God things” and which were “Work things.” It was hard to define this line…. God’s work is important, but it is also important not to become a workaholic and to give your family the proper time they need.
What is your #1 Best Piece of Advice : Dating & Communication
It surprises me how many couples are scared to be vulnerable and honest in a culture that seems to be so “out-there.” Conversations can be tough, but if you can be courageous to discuss things and humble enough to listen it will save your marriage a lot of heart-ache.
Tap said Dating is his best advice… “Happy wife, happy life!” But really, dating allows you to stay connected, keep in touch, and grow together. It’s important to always invest in your relationship.
Tap didn’t realize this until he was married, but he opens up best when we go on walks.
In my studies I learned that men connect “Side by Side” while women tend to connect “Face to Face.” While I can sit over coffee and talk for hours, a man typically prefers to bond through doing something… fixing a car, playing basketball, etc. So try to connect through doing… go on a walk, kayak, work on a project he’s passionate about, etc. Don’t always expect him to open up by facing him directly (and possibly intimidatingly). haha.
What questions would you ask? How would you answer these questions? Engage in the discussion!