You went to the Fight Night Simulcast… you laughed at all the Parrott’s jokes, a lightbulb went off as you identified with their stories, and you even enjoyed some dessert and made a date night out of it…. But now it’s over and your life and marriage didn’t really change. So now what?
Here are a few next steps to keep the momentum!
1. Go on a Follow-Up Date
It’s important to take the time to process the things we hear and learn. I tend to process out loud, bouncing ideas and conclusions around in conversation. Tappy likes to process quietly, mulling things over in his head. If you haven’t already, grab your notes from the simulcast and discuss them with your partner.
Here are a few questions to get you started
- What did you identify with most?
- Where do you land between High Expressiveness and Low Expressiveness?
- Do you think you have high flexibility or have low flexibility?
- What is our strength when we fight? Are we naturally good at cooperation, ownership, respect, or empathy?
- What one weakness is the most prominent when we fight? Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, or stonewalling?
2. Choose One Action Step, and Write it Down
Make one simple and attainable goal. Often goals and resolutions fail, because they are unreasonable to begin with and we get stress-paralyzed. We tend to think if we can’t do it all and do it all perfectly, it’s not worth trying. However, we know that big results come from small changes over time. So pick one attainable goal to start.
In addition, goals are more likely to happen if you write them down and share them. Let your partner know what your one take away was and how you want to implement it.
3. Give “Withholds” a Try
One of the most concrete ways to implement Fight Night is to use the Withholds strategy. Schedule a time each week to practice this.
- Share 2 Positive Things About Your Spouse – things you saw, but failed to recognize and thank them for.
- Share 1 Negative Thing – one thing that has been eating at you, that you haven’t had the time or the courage to say
- Say Thank You – don’t rebuttle, or defend yourself, simply say Thank You for the information.
- Take 30 Minutes – This gives our brain time to come out of “Fight Mode.” Don’t discuss any of the withholds for at least 30 minutes.
4. Read Les & Leslie’s book, The Good Fight
The Parrott’s did a great job explaining why we fight, and giving us valuable content to fight fair. However, if you are looking for more we highly recommend their book, The Good Fight. It is not simply a recap of the simulcast, but it goes deeper and offers more application that simply was too much to fit into a single evening.
What was your main takeaway from Fight Night? How have you already implemented what you have learned?