Not too long ago I attended the Hearts At Home Conference in Illinois to assist a former teacher of mine, Juli Slattery. I admired her wisdom, counsel, and the testimony her own marriage shined at Focus Leadership Institute. Because she was coming all the way from Colorado to speak at a local conference, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to visit with her again. During the conference I was able to hear her main study, and spent the rest of the day with some lovely women managing Slattery’s book booth.
While visiting with the ladies, a Pastor’s wife came up to us and shared a piece of her story. She ended with an exasperated sigh and said she was discouraged by the other wives around her. Whenever she gathered with her girlfriends the conversation was dominated by complaints and sarcastic jokes about husbands. Instead of partaking, this Godly wife always spoke highly of her husband. Her friends immediately blushed and turned to anger. “Is it wrong, that I don’t want to talk badly about my husband?” she asked. She wanted to fit in, but she wanted to uplift her husband instead of tear him down.
How often have you been in this situation? It’s so easy to understand the stories of the other wives, and want to chime in with a related story of our own. Sure it is a good thing to connect and sympathize, and to even share life with others, but to what detriment?
After speaking with this lovely lady, I decided to take a vow of my own. I will try my hardest to “never talk bad about my husband, to anyone, ever.” But, why?
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life….She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:10f paints a beautiful and challenging picture of what a Godly wife is supposed to look like. Be encouraged to read Proverbs, and continue the study of “wifehood” in Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3.
Another good reason to make this promise, is because your husband will love it!
Being married offers the most unique and intimate opportunity to know another person. Marriage unveils all the bad along with all the good. Not only does marriage challenge an individual in the deepest sense, but those challenges unveil new faults and uncovers dirty truths that had not been found outside the shallower relationships of their life. With all of these dark secrets, a spouse has a lot of power. They need to decide whether they want to use this power for good, or for bad.
Tappy and I have both made this promise together. After an argument, I have the confidence and trust to know that my weaknesses won’t be flaunted. I know that he will only use the information of my faults to help me weed them out and become stronger. Similarly, I plan to build his confidence. I want my husband to know that I love him, admire him, and am constantly in a state of excitement to see the new places God will grow in him. These secrets create confidence, respect, and a bigger sense of trust and intimacy than what we were originally granted.
Furthermore, in the lack of complaints, we are given the opportunity of compliments. I love to know the ways my husband brags about me. Currently, we both work at Walmart, and I have heard so many coworkers come up to me to tell me the latest way my husband had bragged about me. “Your husband never calls your ‘my wife’, did you know he always says ‘my BEAUTIFUL wife,’ it’s so sweet!” or “The other day I kept seeing that all the magazines were backwards, I’d go to fix them, and the next time I turned around they were backwards again!” they eventually found out Tappy was doing it, so they asked him about it, “Your husband said he does that because you’re the only girl he wants to see in a swimsuit!”
Now tell me that isn’t encouraging?!
I hope that you choose to use your power for good, too, and build the confidence in your spouse.